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Bullies Need Help Too

April 30, 2019

We all know that bullying is a bad thing. It is the act of intentionally hurting someone without a particular reason. The victims suffer not only in physical and emotional aspects but also are at risk with potential mental damage as well. It’s an awful thing that most young adults experience everywhere at school, online, and even at home. That explains the reason why bullies are to be blamed for their victims’ anxiety and depression, isolation, and self-destruction. However, psychology experts believe that bullies are also victims themselves. That their actions also depend on the variety of trauma they experienced once or twice in their lives. 

Source: flickr.com

Was It All About The Power? 

Bullied individuals assume that bullies engage in the act because of power. That because bullies feel confident in doing something different in their lives, they deserve to be on top. With that, the process of hurting and damaging the weak becomes the easiest way to claim the spot. But in reality, it’s not about the capability of becoming the most influential person. Instead, it’s the bullies fear and anxiety of becoming one of the weak.

According to Hollie Gonzalez, LMHC, NCC, CCM, “Children who engage in bullying are also experiencing complex feelings.” Bullies are afraid they might end up as a victim of bullying that they push themselves to become an abuser. They have this mentality of trying to fit in as one of the strongest ones because they know they won’t handle the pressure of being at the bottom. Bullies try and set up a mentality which creates an assumption that the only way to get rid of their soft sides is to target others’ weakness. 

Source: pixabay.com

 

Have You Noticed The Insecurities? 

Bullies often look at themselves as perfect individuals. According to Paul Schwartzman, LMHC, MS, DAPA, “There is no remorse or “just kidding.” The final hallmark of bullying behavior is the intent and knowledge that they can, and likely will, do it again and can purposely keep people on guard.” Usually, these young adults look better, dressed up nicely, smart, and even talented. But why do they feel the need for validation to those good qualities? That’s because they are insecure about themselves. That whatever good things are there in front of them, they always know deep inside that something is missing. They can recognize their flaws, so they try hard to keep that negativity away from people. These bullies are uncomfortable with their personalities that even accepting it becomes a struggle. They bully people merely because they hate themselves as much as others do. The sole focus on perfection makes these people lose control of their self-worth. Their personality becomes their “own” nightmare and worst enemy. These bullies don’t feel good about themselves. 

Are They Given Enough Attention? 

Everything that bullies do and say seems to be worthy of everybody’s attention. That particular setup makes them even more aggressive and consistent with their unnecessary actions. But people don’t know that bullies lack care. That the only way they get approval is trough implying something with force. No one listens to them wholeheartedly. No one intends to believe in whatever they truthfully say. No one is capable of accepting their apology once the damage has been done. No one cares about their trauma because everyone believes they are only sinners. No one tries and looks at them as victims of emotional, physical, and mental abuse. No one attempts to know how these bullies become the persons they entirely hate. Perhaps it’s time to consider looking at these young adults in a different direction. 

Are You Sure They Are Happy? 

Most bullies we see are popular and are surrounded by tons of people who seem to care for them. But, are these people entirely concern about these individuals well-being? Are we confident that their bad behavior is only encouraged by what they want to do and not influenced by the things we don’t see that is happening to them? With that, we have to think again. These bullies are not happy with their lives. They don’t have strong emotional support from the people that should provide it for them. They lack care, love, and understanding. These bullies are lonely inside and out. That the only way they can hide the pain is through inflicting it to others. They don’t feel satisfied by just seeing someone getting hurt because they also want them to suffer like the way they are. They can’t handle to be alone. 

Source: airforcemedicine.af.mil

 

Yes, bullying is something that needs to stop. No valid reasons will support and encourage bad behavior. However, as concern individuals, we have to take a step back and consider things by putting ourselves in both the victims and the bullies’ shoes. Who knows, bullies might need our help too. “Look for solutions. Show healthy empathy and compassion for those being bullied,” says Chris Abatelli, LMHC. But we should consider looking on both sides.